Truth... or dare?

"It is not hard to be loved when you want to be loved, what is hard is to be loved when you are fighting against it."

To my God...

“In a world full of uncertainties and multiple blizzards you have been my anchor, you have given me untouchable and infinite faith, you have given me something to believe in without conditions, you have accepted me as I am, stained with sins and full of unfair judgements, you have loved me…Thank you.”

Re-emerge...

New life… re-emerging from the ashes, from humanity, a symbolic expression of life, of the depths of being, a feeling that hardly ever shows. It oppresses your heart and set it free at the same time. You can get upset in a second, letting your life pass you by as you nourish yourself with this negative feeling and instead you receive nothing but pain, for you, for your soul: for your essence. You plunge into a state of euphoria, happiness and dreams. You feel…or you do not feel. You evoke life, hatred, love, spiritualism. You arouse and calm down with the same ease. You laugh and you cry in the same thought. You cannot find this type of character very often; it exists and not many people understand it. Only a few stay enough to search the soul, to see beyond vision: beyond what you let know. I once heard: “You only know about me, what I want you to know.” A fact I understood very long after hearing it. Since then I have captured that fact as a virtue. You save for you, that which makes you vulnerable, your ace under your sleeve your shield. What you probably do not know is that if nothing gets out, generally, nothing gets in, and you focus in protecting yourself in such way that when you emerge, light blinds you without letting you see what is right before your eyes… but little by little, you start to relish and feel everything…Re-emerging.

Is then when you notice the smile, that since a while ago occupies your mind, getting more strong as you arise, yearning, feeling…living.

Changes...

So often we wish for impossibles, for a long time I wished it was all a dream, no more than a nightmare after the sun fell down the earth. Now I know better, circumstances are bounded by the universe and by it's energies as well; for so they oftenly change, changing humans in the process. I've learned feelings change too, as quickly as a second pass. I know I'm not the same person I was when the sun beated the earth on it's race to the sky. Don't you know? Even as I write these letters I changed a thousand times. Akward, but true, behind my eyes you"ll find the proof, the must sincere evidence of trasmutation. There is no lack of evilness in this world, only the certainty that kindness does exist: everywhere around us, although evil blind us enough not to see it.

Every flower in bloom, the very first spark of snow in winter, the first leaf to fall on autunm, the first whisper of life in a newborn, the smile on a thousandtimes hurted old gouger: it all reminds us everything has a purpose, a reason to be.

Universe reminds us: Everything happens for a reason

Trust...

It slipped like water through my fingers…it travelled my heart like the banks of a river, soaking everything on its path. It filled me with peace. It gave light to my glance covering it with laugh. Its fondness surrounds me giving warmth to the darkest corner of my soul. It turned into light the oxygen I breathe, giving my mind some emotion. As I close my eyes I only see light & spirit, I feel like I’m flying in its wings, above rivers of holy land; its dreamy essence moves me, giving tenacity to my soul, soaking it with life. It scares away my solitude, in the coolest winters of my soul. It drinks away my tears leaving a sweet taste on my lips. It never judges me, letting me shine with light of my own. In it’s presence I’m just me and only me. Nothing so simple and yet so complicated all the same, Sometimes I try to hide and though I try to protect myself, I can hardly avoid it, when did it get away? When did it catch me? How do I get out of this one? Do I really want to get out? How do I describe such weird feeling? How do I keep it from wrapping me? It gives me peace and balance…should I reject that in order to avoid tears? It filled me with light in a summer afternoon, it pulled a smile from me that I was saving for someday. It kissed my heart daring it to feel, drawing me out of myself, pulling me near you.

Dreams...

A while ago I had a dream, I dreamt that life passed me by and I couldn’t stop time. In my sleepless nights I wondered where the balance of my judgement leaned to. I started to remember all those people that for ignorance or imprudence, I hurt on my road through life. I asked for forgiveness in silence and forgave as well, with a whisper of the wind. Nobody knew they’d been forgiven and they didn’t notice my regret either. Days have passed since I had this weird dream and I recently became aware that it wasn’t just a dream, it was a reminder from my short stay in the ground. Since then I’ve tried my best to fill everything that surrounds me with peace, feeling for no one and everyone a dose of justification , after all Jesus preached: “That who’s free of sins, throw the first rock.”

As I awoke I realized there where a lot of things I didn’t say, things I never did…I lifted my face towards the sun and took a deep breath. The sky was more blue and clear from every cloud that wanted to dull it. The water felt fresh on my skin and flavours where more intense. I felt alive. Clear from every doubt about the world and myself. I understood that the earth doesn’t dance to the rhythm of chance but with the beat you want to play. I understood that my life was a piece of paper that God gave me, so I could write anything I wanted. Only I was allowed to write in that piece of paper; he also gave me an exquisitely built quill, with my soul as its inkwell. Of soft grip I was absolutely sure that only I could use it. My eyes turned more compassionate, my touch less rough, my tongue less sharp & hurtful. I learned to feel as others would. I started to live for me and not bounded by other’s opinions.

I had a dream again last night, I dreamt I was free, I dreamt that on a spring of water all my wounds faded away and there was only peace left. Peace for knowing I’m in control of myself and my spirit. Peace for knowing only I can manage my fate and that God only gave me a hand. A hand to create, a hand to grow, a hand to love without measure, without expecting anything back, a hand to live.

Life...

It’s amazing how sometimes life seems so desperate to stop being, sometimes you lose hope and give way to pain, letting it interfere with the blissful goals you propose…But it’s even more weird, how out of nowhere you get strength to go on and life seems even more beautiful and endless than ever…It’s like a book in which you decide what character to play that day, what act to carry on, how to feel. It’s weird how after a period of anxiousness and darkness, you start recovering, you notice certain light within you that makes you realize pain haven’t made you immune to feelings, but it turned them numb, to awake them later and even more intensely to magic, to life, to the power of feeling… “Life can’t be more precious than when you’re living it” and for that I’ve written these peace of my thought, because I believe it important enough to let it fly in the wind.