Caution...

My mind is as blank as the paper I look. I wait in vain for something to come up from my quill: a phrase, a thought, anything that soothes the longing I have for writing. From the depths of my mind, a memory arises: the lyrics from a song of one of my favorite artists. A particular phrase amuses me: “To touch the fire without wondering, if the flame can scald you.” Then I wonder: when was the last time that I acted without thinking, without wondering?


I start to think…and in silence, I go back to a time where I did not have to think twice before following what my heart said: my childhood. Now it seems another world, another life.


Many people preach and praise at my “supposed” maturity; they do not imagine what one ought to do to reach that state. They do not imagine that such state does not exist. It is just a peculiar way of dealing with situations that life presents you, keeping your composure intact at the same time. I have learned how to receive emotional punches without ruining my hairdo, at least from the impact. Keeping my head held high, as my soul breaks with deception.


My nature is transitional madness. Any stranger could think that nothing gets to me and the thing is I have become an expert on “seeming” careless. “In Bethlehem with shepherds” is what my family would say, meaning I am distracted, clueless and careless. I smile when I hear them, it is when I am in Bethlehem, that my minds travels faster, it is then when I am caught up with unanswered questions and millions of thoughts emerge to life in my head.


On the other hand, what others call maturity, I call fear to be hurt…again. I call it caution. A lot for my age, but I can hardly manage to avoid it. I recently did though. I sent cautiousness to sleep for a while and followed my heart; I touched the flame without wondering if it would burn me. I laugh as I remember. I still do not know if that will scald me, but at least it was I and not my conscience, nor logic made the choice. It was me for a second, an hour, a day, a week…a month; I have a couple of days wondering, if I should cover myself with my safety blanket or screw everything and keep living carelessly.
After all, I have realized that I can live through what my heart says and I will not die from deception. I have learned my lesson: “That which does not kill you, can only make you stronger.”